The Bells Have Made Me Deaf

[image:540:c]

I seem to be in Floyd mode this weekend which is incredibly boring for any of you who don’t like their stuff I know but…. I came across this baby version CD for sale. Samples here.

They do lullaby renditions of a number of bands. Lullaby Metallica is hard to imagine.

[image:539:c]

Try it.

[image:538:c]

My new neighbour moved into the flat above my workshop a couple of weeks ago. Nobody told him that there had been a problem with the lighting circuit up there and the fuse blows regularly in wet weather. The first real rainfall since he moved in happened a couple of days ago and the fuse blew with one almighty bang that even I heard through a 2 foot thick stone wall. Nobody had given him any contact numbers either so my door was the one he knocked. I gave him the landlords mobile number and off he trotted quite content to grope around in the dark for one night.

Yesterday afternoon the electricians arrived to work at the fuseboard which is in my workshop. I left them to it for ten minutes only to come back and find the workshop stinking of cigarette smoke (despite the no smoking sign) and a dinge in the top of my bin from using it as a step to break into the neighbours flat by climbing through his open bedroom window. When I asked them about it, they said they’d got permission but I’m not so sure. He’s been happily leaving the window open since he moved in. Today it’s closed, and who could blame him. With all that, they didn’t find what’s causing the problem either. 90 minutes of total incompetance. Their boss came this morning and fixed it within ten minutes.

I’m hoping my customer has no sense of smell. Laura Ashley pink flowery linen just shouldn’t smell like an ashtray. Thankfully she’s away on holiday and I don’t have to deliver for another week. By then the stink may have gone. Why is it that certain tradesmen are so unreliable and have absolutely no respect for other peoples property or is it just ignorance?

Speaking of unreliable, I’m still waiting for the boiler installer to show up… he said he’d be here yesterday morning.

[thumb:537:l]This was too much of a bargain to not buy it. It isn’t as pretty as the one I wanted but £80 cheaper and twice the heating output. It should be delivered in a week or so. The vendors post purchase e-mail was really reassuring…

Please inspect your goods at delivery. Your goods are FRAGILE. Yes, that is correct Cast Iron is FRAGILE. By the time your goods reach you they will have been on and off three trucks, driven by neandrathol man and handled by cavemen. Your goods could have been dropped from at least a meter in height or rammed through with a forklift.

YOU WILL BE ASKED BY THE COURIER TO SIGN FOR THEM. WHAT YOU ARE SIGNING CANCELS YOUR REPLACEMENT INSURANCE AND STATES THAT YOU RECIEVED THEM IN GOOD ORDER. Remember these goods belong to YOU, not the courier. Tak nae merde.

Now to find a bulk supplier for logs and look forward to a winter wandering around the house in me skimpies (provided those neanderthal truckers don’t spoil it all).

[image:536:c]One maniac of a dog who is great company and incredibly friendly but unfortunately is also a social retard. Not only does he nip peoples arms on a fly by at high speed on the beach, he knocks children kicking and fights with every other dog in sight even when they’re wagging their tail at him. I wondered why the man at the animal shelter used the expression “good luck to ye” when I pointed at the mal nourished, bald, rickle of bones in the end cage and said “I’ll take that one”. I’ve tried desperately for 3 years to get him to do what he’s told to no avail. Neutering only sorted out his problem of leg shagging visitors. This morning he attacked a perfectly friendly little dog after slipping his collar. It’s now tight enough to choke him. It seems like the only way to get through is to beat the crap out of him and I can’t do that. Is there a dog trainer in the house? Or failing that somebody with plenty of space who’d like a nice lurcher to chase rabbits?